Listening to lately

Life is plugging along here in Manhattan. I wake up everyday hoping today is the day that I hear back about a job, and inevitably the day passes without a word.

I guess I’m getting a bit more used to that.

And in between I do manage to have lovely moments.

This past weekend Selemon and I were in Hanover, New Hampshire to visit Tuck for Diversity Conference. Selemon was invited back to share a speech with the prospective students. He did an amazing job.

The air felt cleaner, the people were nicer, and our hotel room was the size of our entire Manhattan apartment.

We both returned to the city feeling a bit grumbly about being back. We held hands in bed and had a heart to heart about where we’re headed career-wise and geography-wise and we don’t have clear answers.

Yesterday Jess asked if I wanted to go to IKEA. The IKEA is located along the water in Brooklyn, allowing for an IKEA-dedicated ferry ride. And the views were stunning and I sat there totally exhilarated and absolutely thrilled and energized that I lived here. That the gorgeous sparkling buildings all along that water were my home. I took a few pictures, realized it couldn’t capture all that unspoken energy and focused on just taking it in for me. Because I know we won’t live here forever and one day when I’m sitting in the middle of a snowstorm in Minnesota I will miss all this.

There’s a song that I love for one line in particular, “I can’t really say why everybody wishes they were somewhere else”. And I’ve been focusing on that line so much. When I was in Fargo I yearned to escape, when I was in  Minnesota I wanted so badly to be in a beautiful, historic East Coast city. I got to Boston and wished I was in NH with Selemon, and then pined for New York City. And here I am, wishing for a backyard for a dog, or less neighbors, or more familiar faces. Maybe you never feel settled? Maybe the world is just too big, with too many options and the grass will always be greener.

But I’m here now. And sometimes its exhausting and discouraging but it is also the most electric, thrilling place I will ever live so I will do my best to never wish that away.

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One thought on “Listening to lately

  1. Linnae Grabner-Hegg (Mom) says:

    Since I left Fargo I haven’t been longing to be somewhere else. Granted I wish I was somewhere else in time…like spring or summer instead of this frozen wasteland of supposed autumn that was dumped on us this week. Or I dream of being somewhere else for a brief amount of time like Greece, or Alaska or on a ferry in NY on my way to IKEA with my daughter, Lauren. Mostly, I’m content where I am now…so that must mean I am home.

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